


Caught

by AngelOfTheMoor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, Fallen Castiel, Ficlet, Light Angst, M/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfTheMoor/pseuds/AngelOfTheMoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel contemplates the events that led to his fall from heaven. Set somewhere within Season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caught

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: _Supernatural_ doesn't belong to me.
> 
> This is just a little drabble that popped into my head. Hope you enjoy it!

Castiel had been damned when he first set eyes on Dean. He hadn’t realized it until he was past caring. 

“The Righteous Man.” A strange title for him. Dean committed the seven deadly sins on a daily basis. One-night stands with anonymous girls. The burgers with which he stuffed himself. Watching marathons of _Dr. Sexy_ reruns. The fleeting moments of jealousy when he longed for a normal life. The way he horded his car, never letting anyone else drive it. The smugness he felt after every victorious hunt. Most prominent of all, the anger and bitterness at the core of his soul.

Yet the title was apt. He saved people without expecting anything in return. He cared for everyone more than he cared for himself. His soul shone with a goodness that had wrapped itself around the darkness, mitigating it, smothering it. The darkness sometimes bled through, but the goodness was stronger. 

Castiel understood Dean’s anger and bitterness. In a sense, it was justified. No one should have to suffer what he had endured. He had experienced so much pain, yet his goodness burned so brightly . . . it was remarkable. Truly a miracle.

Along with the anger and the bitterness came guilt and self-loathing. Those accompaniments were also a demonstration of his goodness.—They would not manifest themselves in an evil person. 

With his first glimpse of Dean, he’d known that defying Dean would be wrong. But heaven’s will conflicted with that understanding. Their orders would wound Dean’s soul. They wanted Dean to determine a town's fate. He’d cheered when Dean left the town standing, and afterward he’d wished for Dean to know he stood with him.

But he owed his allegiance to heaven. 

They desired for Dean to torture Alastair. He didn’t miss the despair in Dean’s eyes, the fear that the darkness would take over. It had torn at something in his grace, but he couldn’t disobey heaven. Then, cruelty of cruelties, the torture hadn’t even been necessary. Rather, it had been a scheme of Uriel’s. Uriel had betrayed heaven and served another master.

Uriel’s actions provoked thoughts. Dangerous thoughts. If Uriel could choose a different path, why couldn’t he? Not to serve Lucifer, of course, but to follow his conscience. 

He’d tentatively sampled that course, providing Dean with hints about how he could send Lilith away.

But he’d retreated, wondering if his instincts were faulty. Obey heaven. That was all he’d ever known. 

But when Dean had gazed at him with anguish while they were in Zachariah’s room, he couldn’t continue following orders that felt wrong.

His fall had been complete. 

Heaven had damned him for choosing his conscience, his heart.

But when he kissed Dean every night, tasted the sweetness unique to Dean, he believed damnation had been salvation.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
